February 12

 ‘And they said unto Moses, Speak thou with us and we will hear: but let not God with us, lest we die.’ – Exodus 20:19

                It has been nearly a month since I last posted on this daily devotional. I can make any number of excuses for discarding the habit of spending quiet time with God, though I think that anything I might offer may only serve to soften the selfishness that I have fallen back into as of late. Fittingly, as is often the case with Oswald Chamber’s devotions, today happens to speak directly to what I am experiencing right now.

                When I began studying ‘My Utmost for His Highest’ in late October 2010, I noticed very quickly a change in me. I learned to listen to God. I learned to trust in Him and to always aspire to keeping His law. More importantly, I came to cherish my quiet time with God in writing these analyses. The result was an effective discipleship in my own life. Professionally I yearned to incorporate Him into my daily interactions. Personally, I found a deep love and patience for my family and children in particular. I realized that the selfish nature of sin was holding me back and even eroding my relationships, as it does in any who do not keep their egos in check.

                As my new job started gaining steam, I understandably had less time to devote to this study. I distinctly remember January 22^nd, the last time that I posted. I told myself that I just didn’t have the time and that I had learned what I needed to learn to this point. Essentially, I told myself that I no longer needed to make time to work on my relationship with God. In a way that was the same as telling God that I no longer needed to listen to Him. I skewed my priorities and in short order, my perception was skewed right along with them.

                How is this pertinent to Chambers’ lesson from Exodus? The people told Moses that they wanted him to speak to them. They did not want to listen to God. Chambers points out that this is significant because we often prefer to listen to God’s followers than to have our own relationship with Him.

                We do not willfully disobey God. Or at least those whom do are few. The more likely source of our disrespect for Him comes by not listening to Him. If the Hebrews had listened to God, rather than to Moses for example, they were committing themselves to either follow God’s law, or disobey God directly. By hearing God’s law secondhand, through Moses, their disobedience could be indirect. As Chambers puts it, ‘Because we know that if God does speak, either the thing must be done of we must tell God we will not obey Him.’

                However, disobedience, whether direct or otherwise still results in shame and humiliation. There is no way around this.  I, like the Hebrews, chose to stop listening to God because I bought into the selfish lie that the ego propagates. The result is that, as I write this I am shame-filled for my behavior these past couple of weeks. I found some modicum of professional success early and I failed to give the glory to God. I bought into my own deception and strained my relationships at home. How quickly it all snowballs!

                How glorious then that all things are possible through God. I am praying for healing and I know God will grant it. Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.

                God will use this time as a lesson in me. Live with humility. Make time to be still and listen. The moment I fail in my commitment to God is the moment in which Satan, who prowls this world like a hungry lion, will exploit my own sinful nature.